I’ll Never be Deep Again

I’ll Never be Deep Again is that worry about being too shallow to be spiritual — sort of the ‘headache’ of spiritual path. Common, but annoying.

I’ve had times of being Deep, immersed in  Truth and Knowing. So clear. I’m floating at the bottom of a crystal pool gazing up at the firmament light years above. Such peace and quiet. Such Beauty and Mystery. I am so Deep.

Then I get caught in day-to-day things– projects–and stop doing my practice, using a lot of energy in an unconscious way. I’m often way out of my body, banging around in my head. After a bout of this, I find myself wondering if I could ever be deep again.

I’m just about to rectify things by doing a practice when…

…standing on the brink, I try to decide if I can tuck in practice right now or should I just take care of that ‘whatever-it-is’ first, get it out of the way, so I can really relax into my Dancemeditation. Then, because I never get to my practice, disembodiment rolls under my clothes.
…or I do a practice and get only a flicker of ease.
Discouraged, I fear that I’m shallow. Oh dear! I’ll never be Deep Again.

The cure for this, I know, is to do practice 3 times a week for two weeks, 35-45 minutes each session, without the Depth Meter ticking. Go through the motions at first. Next session, use a little intention but don’t scare myself off. Soon Deep is there. Maybe not retreat deep, but the sort of peace I can count on.